More musings on the language thing

I apologize if this is not the most interesting thing to read, but I feel like sharing more of my thoughts about language learning because it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately, as it is pretty much my primary focus right now.

Now last time, I believe I touched briefly upon the idea of language identities (I feel a bit like a professor after typing that out), but I wanted to share a little more about what I mean by that. When I step out of my head for a moment and listen to the voice coming out of my mouth when I speak spanish, I have noticed that it sounds different than my english voice. I realized this was true one day when my host sister commented that when she heard me speak english, I almost sounded like a stranger to her. I thought this was funny, and I asked other people if this happened to them, and most people said that yeah, when they speak a different language, they notice that something changes in their voice. It's like you become a different person for each language that you speak. Alright, I mean, it's not like when I speak spanish I suddenly sound like Speedy Gonzalez (the only spanish speaking pop culture reference I could think of at the top of my head), but I do notice something about my tone that changes slightly. I think it has to do with this idea of flow that I was talking about before. Because the way the languages flow differ between english and spanish, my voice slightly changes when I speak each language. And because I have learned (both languages) mostly by imitation, I suppose it's possible that I have adopted tone and intonation from the people I have been learning from. What's funny, is that sometimes, when I'm speaking spanish, a word will come out of my mouth and I will think, oh my god that sounded EXACTLY like my mom. What's more, is that it was probably a sound I used to (and still do) make fun of. Mom, you probably know what I'm talking about.

This is interesting to me because I actually haven't been learning spanish from my mom; we just can't seem to break the habit of speaking english, it's too weird to change the way you've been speaking to someone your entire life. But something I've noticed, is that my mom speaks english like a Chilena. She has adopted so many sounds and intonations that I would classify as typical Chilean, and uses them when she speaks english. This does make her unique, because most people don't speak english like Chileans. And I'm not talking about accents here, but more tone of voice, the expressive way she says certain words. I have spent the majority of my life making fun of the way my mom speaks english (come on, Justin, you know you have to). Of course it mostly comes from love, and sometimes she legitimately says really funny things (ex: quiet as a moose), but now, as I am going through the process of learning a language and finding myself making mistakes (a lot of them funny) all the time, I can't help but feel a little guilty. But more than the bit of guilt I feel, I feel that I now have a better understanding of why she speaks the way she does. Many times have I heard people say things in a certain way that has sounded exactly like something my mom would say. Except I realized that they were speaking spanish, her first language of course. Now this is not to say that my mom hasn't adopted the flow of english, of course her english is excellent, but I just mean that sometimes, she speaks it like it's spanish. It's part of what makes her the wonderful and unique woman that she is.

Sometimes, when I'm tired, I speak spanish as if I'm speaking english. To me, that happens when I'm feeling kind of lazy, because in my mind's ear, the sounds of english are lazier, heavier. Spanish (or maybe it has to do some with chilean culture) is more expressive in certain ways, people are a lot more dramatic. Spanish requires your tongue to be a bit more flexible (that rolling of the r) and lighter.

I'd really like to learn a third language mainly just to explore the sounds and compare the differences, but I'm not sure if my brain could handle it. I think I would get confused all the time.